So, from my title, you may be thinking that I feel sorry for myself that I did not get the RA job this year. Yes, I'm a fifth-year senior, yes, I've already been an RA before, yes, I have a wide range of involvements at ASU which would help me do the job well. Whatever. These things, sometimes, simply do happen and it seems best to not take them personally and recognize them for what they are: decisions made based on criteria and organizational agendas that may have little to do with the experience/skill of the applicant. Or, maybe I said too much in my interview, like, "I don't want Manzanita" (stupid) or "I'm going to be really busy with other stuff this year" (are you kidding?).
I'm on alternate status. This will enable Res Life to call me at the end of August to see if I'd still like to work for them. Better than nothing, for sure.
Other failures, both dealing with jobs this summer: didn't get the Barrett Summer Scholars job (don't have enough experience relative to other applicants or something like that), didn't get the job at the autistic school in Scottsdale as a music therapist. In both cases, got my hopes WAY up. This is why it was so painful to not get either one. Therefore, in the future, I'll just be putting myself out there without expectation. I think this is a good strategy for life/careers in general. Also, these weren't exactly failures, so "wah wah wah" is not really going on here. I'm venting.
But seriously, on the brighter side, I'll be able to spend more time doing other novel things, as well as enjoy the company of my off-campus friends a little better. Have already gotten several offers from people who need roommates, one of whom even said cleanliness was a plus. Wow.
Can't imagine that.
My journal writing is still pretty shallow relative to what it was a year and a half ago. Shoot.
I almost want to start talking about spiritual matters again but something's keeping me from doing so. Probably my desire to lay low, keep my secrets to myself, hold in all my desires and resentments. I have to plan out my "life", my "career", must start taking the world seriously as a place to work out a scheme of purpose and success. Can't indulge in inner-life things. Not here, not yet. You'll have to talk to me to hear about that kinda stuff, and maybe even then I might want to keep this facade up as best I can. I will say this much: the desire to hide is overwhelming at times. Not from the world, but from the inner voice which has provided me with so much peace and simple happiness throughout my life. Why? I'm afraid it's not real and keeps me from growing. I actually had more posted on this and, of course, the internet stopped working. It will come out eventually.
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1 comment:
Well said.
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